Aki-Essays: Challenge (7-28-09)

It was a dark night as Fred was waiting for the train.

“Chug-chug!”

He found a train coming out of the darkness.

“Ffeee!”

The sound of the whistle pierced the stillness of the night and the train was being slowed down with its brakes.

“Screee!”

As the dawn would break soon, Fred felt relieved.

“Phew,” he sighed.

This was one of the great trains built by John Gaul.

“This train looks quite unique putting the model of a bent-back golden fish on each front corner of the roof of the first car. It’s like a movable Japanese-style castle or shrine or the like. John Gaul must know about Asian culture well,” Fred thought.

He was excited, ready to board the train soon.

“I’m about to get on the train,” he said.

Strangely enough, yet, he was worried that the train would go past the station without picking him up.

“The realm needs King Fred to control it. Don’t leave me here alone, ha-ha-ha.”


Decent work here. Try also to use words other than “said” or “told”, etc. .. think of different onomatopoeia or have a look at www.thesaurus.com